Ok, I have been thinking. I know that I can be a douche. I can be a big douche. It happens. I can also be a people person. I can be daft. I can be foolish. People who know me most likely know these things. But if they know me, really know me, then they also know I am a few other things. I like to think that I am an intelligent guy. I also like to think that, albeit not all the time, but I am actually very philosophical. And I also have a big heart.

Now, let me do a little explaining. When I was a wee lad in elementary school, I was not what you would call the most popular kid. In fact I was the guy that the unpopular people might be able to pick on if they were having a good day. I didn't really get beat up because while I was unpopular I was also one of the bigger kids. Now, this caused me much pain. I would end up bawling when I got home at night. I think, if memory serves, at one point I kinda begged my parents not to send me back to that awful place that we call school. To those awful little second, third, third, fourth, and fifth graders. Ya, it happened up until then. Now that kind of thing can seriously cause some developmental problems. In fact some of the people who I know claim that that is why they are shy. That they are afraid that they will get made fun of. I, thankfully, walked a different path. I grew a thick skin. *chuckles* At one point I asked a sub-teacher to go to the rest room. She responded with something akin to, "Go on, ya big moose." Moose... That name became my torment. I grew to disdain it. Then one day, I don't know why, but a would be tormenter called out, "Hey, Moose." I stood up from the water fountain, turned my head towards him. I took a breath. Then I asked, "What?" That's all. I responded to it. He was baffled for a second. Then he turned to a friend of his and said, "He just answered to Moose." That I think was a turning point.
I realized that once I started answering to the name people began to use it. They weren't using it to insult me. They weren't trying to hurt my feelings. They were using it like a nick name. Then after a time, though I ended up becoming attached to it, it faded and died away. Over time I went from, 'They hurt my feelings.' to, 'They tried to hurt my feelings and I am still alive. And if they try to hurt me and I really don't care and play along, then we both can have a laugh.' Not to say that my feelings can't be hurt. They can. But they are a lot HARDER to hurt. Now, along with this comes the fact that I don't show it when things hurt me a lot of the time, or I get annoyed... doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Sixth grade came around and I became friends with someone who was sorta popular. I wasn't but he was. The friendship didn't last, but the next year I became friends with my best friend. Jon and I got close enough that some would say that we were joined at the hip. He is my brother. I would do anything for him that I would do for my little brother. Now, Jon and I, we were still not the most popular people. We didn't have many friends outside of each other. A couple, but not a lot. Fast forward to high school, however, and then it could be said that I was some kind of popular. I wasn't the sports all-star, and I didn't have a ton of girl friends, only one actually. Anyhow, starting freshman year, I was the guy that had friends in all the clicks. I had jock friends, and band friends, stoner friends and ag friends. My main click, was the geeks; I myself am a geek. I was friends with some of the seniors, juniors, sophmores and of course my class. When my close friends and I would go out, they knew me as the 'guy that didn't get embarassed' If there was a question to be asked to someone we didn't know, I was the guy for the job. I also didn't have a very good sense of humor. However, with help from friends I 'acquired' one. I became able to make witty remarks and with that came the bite of me being able to bring up things that hurt peoples feelings. I don't like to hurt people's feelings, but sometimes, and here is the important part: I FORGET THAT NOT EVERYONE IS AS THICK SKINNED AS I AM. It is as simple as that. I may not realize; Wow. That will make them upset. If I hurt your feelings, I am sorry. However this brings up something:

IF YOU PICK AT ME A LOT, EVEN IN JEST, UNDERSTAND THAT I MAY SAY SOMETHING THAT WILL HURT YOUR FEELINGS. REMEMBER, UNLESS YOU HIT A BIG NERVE OF MINE, IT IS PROBABLY IN JEST TOO AND NOT ON PURPOSE. BUT THERE IS THIS THING; IT'S CALLED THE GOLDEN RULE. IT GOES, "DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE OTHERS DO UNTO YOU." IF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE ABOUT SOMETHING ABOUT ME OR WHAT I DO, DON'T BE UPSET ABOUT MY JOKES AT YOU AND WHAT YOU DO.

There is no real cause to be bitter, I don't mean that I will try to make jokes that offend you, but it may happen. Try to breath in, breath out, maybe even try to step out of yourself and look at it. Think about the situation and the past; maybe you can to see why could be funny. Sometimes, I understand that that cannot be done. Religion is an example of that for me. Make fun of my religion and you will most likely offend me.

I don't claim to be the most polite or respectful guy all the time. But when the jokes are put aside I try to be respectful to my friends and others, if I feel they deserve it. I try not to be judgmental, but at times we are all hypocritical over somethings.

I guess the main reason I wrote this is to let my friends have a closer view of me, and also to ask them a favor. If I say or do something that offends you, say something to me about it. If I meant it as a joke or I was angry, things get said that people don't mean in anger, I will most likely apologize. However, we all have bad days, if I don't apologize then, I will say it now, "I am sorry." If I didn't mean it as a joke I won't apologize; good day or bad. If I meant it, then that probably has to do with my morals or my religion. My morals only change if I have a change of view, not for those I am around. And my religion DOES NOT CHANGE...


I think that says what I want it to. I will try to read it later to make sure.